Oh, What Would Mama Say............

Please bare with me as I maneuver through this learning curve.

So, here we go... After an enriching and fulfilling day touring vineyards in Italy, I pour a glass of the finest fermented grapes and settle back to take in the beauty surrounding me. I stare into the breathtaking Tuscan sunset...Ahhh, I think to myself, how could a girl possibly wish for more...my thoughts are abruptly interrupted with a screeching voice, "Tammy Jane, you get outta that street right now before I whoop you!" I quickly return to reality. Yes, it's the mobile home tralier park across the way. One of these lovely structures holds a special place in my heart. There are super hero bath towels serving as drapes in the windows...And Spiderman is staring back at me.

The lovely glass of wine I poured came from a bag in a box. "yep, gotta slap the bag!" (A quip my friends and I say/do on our river floating trips in south Texas.) And do they not hear the burglar alarm horn sounding off in their car? After endless minutes of that, I break out into an expressive dance routine choreographed to the rythmical blaring of the horn. Good gief, an auto thief would have made it to Europe by now! How did this happen? Somewhere along the way I took a right at Albuquerque instead of a left as Bugs Bunny used to say.

Most people start at the bottom and work their way to the top. I, on the other hand, have added a bit of flare to this concept by living it in reverse. Yep, instead of rags to riches, it's been a riveting journey of riches to rags, from a Neiman Marcus Mamma to a Walmart Woman, from black tie to busted, from Soirees to s@&*ugar, from beautiful emerald jewelry to sour apple jolly ranchers, from diamonds and pearls to...well, you get the picture.

I have cornered the market and can write "The Official Field Guide to making crappy life decisions."Oh, and thank you, Daddy, for that expensive private prep school and college education you provided. It's really paying off! LOL! Keeping one's sense of humor is crucial at times like this. I have temporarily put my 35 year career on hold and let go of my role as a Corporate Wellness Program Director (a program I developed implemented, managed and enjoyed for the last 12 years) to care for a struggling family member. I have kept all my certifications and credentials up-to-date...worked too many years to let that go! Whew!

I have now taken on a position as a substitute teacher...I never knew 5th graders could be so terrifying! Then I realized it has officially happened...I AM THAT old lady sitting behind a desk witha dress, pearl necklace and reading glasses! And a class of 20-five year olds...well, there just aren't enough words to describe the exhaustion that ensues after an 8 hour day of "teacher, teacher, teacher", Russell and his fascination with the electric pencil sharpener, objects flying through the air, students randomly falling over in their chairs, glue sticks galore, slivers of construction paper, potty breaks, trips to the school nurse, and the precious art of tattle telling...It's like herding cats! And how many books and craft projects about apples are there? And what happened to chalkboards? I'm already technologically challenged. It's a total blow to one's ego when a five year old takes lunch count and can operate that Promethean board thing.

Now, Special Needs classes, an area very near and dear to my heart, is beyond rewarding. Pure souls. I learn more from those students than I could ever possibly teach them. A day in Special Ed not only gives the teacher (s) wings and a halo; it puts all the silly crappage we worry about into perspective.

So...what would my epitome of a southern belle and steel magnoliia Mamma say? Well, besides maybe "Uh, I told ya' so", she would probably say "Daaahlin' you just stand up straight and smile pretty, cuz this too shall pass."

Quote of the day: "I'm not crazy M'Lynn, I've just been in a very bad mood for forty years!"- Steel Magnolias/ Ouizer