You Can't make this crap up!!!!

7/24/2020 Blog #18

Well, I performed a cute little number two nights ago when I got up for my third pee of the night…It’s something I think we’ve all done…Bashed my foot on the edge of the bed. It hurt sooooo badly I fainted or as my husband said, “I went boneless.” We made a trip to Urgent Care yesterday morning. Sure ‘nuf…the little piggy that had none (Digit #4) is completely, big time broken. Can’t walk at all.

My 81-year-old neighbor has been kind enough to let me use one of her spare walkers and I dug an orthopedic boot out of the closet that a cat had obviously shed its entire winter coat in… As the day progressed, my good friend’s air conditioning unit busted. Since it’s 9000 degrees outside, I invited them to come stay at our house for the night. We had 8 people (2 of which are toddlers) in this soup can sized house. My sweet friend hadn’t been able to shower in a couple of days due to the itty bitties requiring constant supervision and her husband working lots of overtime as a police officer. My daughter’s brand-new glasses broke so her friend gathered two popsicle sticks and duct taped them to the side to make the earpieces. I was wheeling around on my walker with my glass of wine. My husband was sporting his sexy new CPAP device. And, what really made the day super extra special was the cat was stuck in my bedroom and defecated or in layman’s terms, sh%&*t on the bed comforter! Sweet cat… Now, I’m getting really concerned…I just opened the mail. I received a really special piece from a “trusted cremation provider” who wants to send me a booklet about “all one ever wanted to know about affordable cremation services”, but were too afraid to ask. I’m not dead…just tired!